Not everyone is great at the gift-giving game. Here are some of the most annoying shoppers you’re probably going to meet this Christmas.
It’s the thought that counts. So why is this phrase only used when the gift you’re staring at is – for lack of a better word – absolutely ghastly? Yes, gift giver. It did bring tears to our eyes! Just not the joyful kind. But then you remember that such resentment truly isn’t the spirit of the season and you should receive said gift with grace. So, you bring yourself to look at them, trying to hide the look of horror and disappointment. Then you force yourself into an over the top performance of false elation. This Christmas we shan’t be caught with our stockings down. We’ve identified the different kinds of bad Santa’s out there (plus we really just want to vent!) and we shall be prepared! Brace thyself.
Coal Level: Expertly-lethal
This gift giver sees this an opportunity to get you something that, in their opinion, you desperately need. It could be a cooking book or a live-in chef from your mother-in-law. A wristwatch from your boss who waits by the door at opening time to mark late-comers or a weighing scale from your co-workers. And it’s usually followed by a cut throat comment wrapped in laughter.
Coal Level: medium/lethal
The phrase ‘misery loves company’ is their motto. It could be something they don’t want anymore and decided it’s going to be your problem now. Then there are those who will take a gift they got and hated, rewrap it and give it to you. This becomes lethal when that gift just so happens to be one, you’d given someone else before. Just how many people hated it before it was unknowingly returned to sender? Gasp!
Coal Level: Medium
You can smell the lack of preparation or thought behind this present. It was probably bought from the supermarket that morning since it’s the only store still open on the 25th. It may not even be wrapped! Or there are those who did feel a pang of embarrassed panic and ordered the gift you wanted on Christmas Eve. They’ll usually tell you that the gift was delayed and should arrive way past Christmas. (In their defence, it could be something that you want so we’ll cut them some slack.)
Coal Level: Medium
This present looks familiar. Oh wait, the giver bought you the exact same scarf they have on now. Their excuse is that they loved it so much they had to get two. Or they bought an item in bulk during a sale and now have to find a way to offload them. Now your entire extended family has matching sweaters. Yay.
‘All Hat, No Cattle’ Giver
Coal Level: Down-right Cold
They asked you what you wanted and insisted too. So, when you see the neatly wrapped box you know that it’s the iPhone 7 waiting for you. When you unwrap it, it’s the iPhone 7 box and you scream your heart out. You open the box and inside is a pair of earrings from the corner store. Whether you’re just a big talker with very poor follow through, or just a cruel prankster, this. Is. Not. Cool.
The Self-Proclaimed Gift Whisperer
Coal Level: Medium
They are practically patting themselves on the back even before you open the present. What may seem as harmless jolly Christmas demeanour masks a deceivingly selfish pursuit to prove that they know you. They end up focusing on who they think you are instead of on what you actually like. And that kind of ego monster can’t be stopped. It’s safe to say that they value that gift more than their recipient ever will.
Made A Difference Giver
Coal Level: Mild
Instead of getting you that expensive trinket you’ve been hinting about all year, they’ll make a donation to a conservancy or human rights project in your name. They may even give you the receipt as a keepsake for the good you’ve done in the world. It’s a beautiful gesture but if you’re really being honest, you also really wish that trinket was given with the receipt. Which makes you feel even guiltier for being so selfish.
Can’t we all go back to writing Christmas lists to Santa and avoid this mess?